My mom

I really wish I could paint a picture to illustrate what I am feeling right now.  There is obviously a lot of pain and grief that my family is feeling right now.  But knowing that I do not want to focus on the grief – not right now.  Rather, I want to focus on my mom and how she impacted those around her.  To try and show you what mom’s life meant to me, and so many others along her life’s path.  Not a single word can explain who she was, or how she impacted any one person, but the series of words that come immediately to mind include – unparalleled love, compassionate, faithful –both to us and to God, jolly and humorous, full of life, wife, mom, sister, and grandma. These words are just the beginning, and as I think about it there really is no end.

Over the past few days I have been thinking through mom’s life and how she touched so many of us.  I have tried to put into words the impact mom had on my life, and each time I tried I realized that I just couldn’t.  Words continued to fail me.  She was more than a series of words to me – mere words just couldn’t capture her life fully enough.  Mere words just couldn’t capture her love fully enough.  Mere words just couldn’t capture our love for her fully enough.

No – words are not adequate enough to illustrate the feelings I have for her.  There are so many memories that continue to flood through my mind and heart.  Memories ranging from the compassion she had for others, the love she offered that was never ending, the example she set daily with regard to our family and life in general, her ability to touch each life she ran into and offer them a unique touch or caring word, the faithfulness in how she lead her life, the humbleness in how she carried herself – these memories, these “feelings” if you will, are just the beginning of what she meant to me.  These memories, these examples of how to live life, are what helped shaped my life.

So with that said, I wanted to relay this one story.

As I was driving up to the country after hearing about mom passing away, my senses were in complete overdrive.  I was seeing everything.  Pulling it all in –wanting to remember everything.  I wanted to remember the tons of flowers that lined the highway as I raced to see dad, the splendid red sunset that we were blessed with off to the west, the near total darkness – laced with fog – that took over a piece of the drive, to the ultra bright moon that appeared to light the country side the rest of the way. 

Each of these pieces of the drive reminded me of mom and her life.  The beautiful flowers that lined the highway illustrated how she brightened up our lives for so many years.  The splendid red sunset illustrated the way she ended her life with God quietly calling out her name.  The total darkness illustrated how I felt immediately after hearing “Mom didn’t make it.” And finally the ultra bright moon illustrated that her memories I carry with me daily are still as bright today as they were yesterday.

Also, to me the drive up to the country was a nice illustration of her path through life.  The path was straight at times, curvy at others, there were hills and valleys, fast spots and slow spots.  But the constant that was there was mom’s compassion and love for her family and friends – the colorful flowers, if you will, that she planted along the way to make our lives more bearable.  All of us flourished just because she touched our lives with her sense of humor, and her wit.  All of us flourished because she showered us with her love and affection.  Whether that person called her honey, mom, grandma or Virginia, she cared for each of us in a unique way.  Looking back at her life, I realize now that her heart was larger than any of us knew.  Each of us felt special.  Each of us felt loved.

When God made a final appearance in her life and asked for her to join Him, she exited this life much like the splendid sunset I saw.  So stunning.  So beautiful.  Holding on.  The wit and humor that we saw each day continued to tease the landscape until the very end.   Wanting to shed her light for just a few more minutes.  Slowly exiting.  She exited this world surrounded by loving hands to another set of expecting, and loving hands – God.

Mom was a woman who touched the lives of so many, yet in a lot of ways she did it quietly. She did it personally.  She did it without thought.  She did it only with the love in her heart.  There are so many people who will miss her passionate love, her motherly love, and her Christ like walk.

These past few days have afforded me the opportunity to reminisce and hear about all the ways that mom has touched those around her – her own little world if you may.  I know that on Sunday evening, when she stood in front of God, He looked at her with His tender eyes and said, “Well done, good and faithful servant.  Well done.”  and He took His big carpenter arms and threw them around her and said welcome home. 

Mom, we will miss you dearly.

Is this the answer I really wanted…

I really am not sure if the answer I got the other day was the answer I was looking for.  In fact, I am not sure I was looking forward to any answer.  I am not sure that I was suppose to get an answer.  I was suppose to step up and point out a wrong in the most loving and understanding way possible… but

When you see a friend having coffee multiple times at a coffee shop with someone other than his wife, and realize that you have to say something – it is never easy. 

When you set up a meeting and prepare all week for it only to see them again in the coffee shop the day before – it is never easy. 

When you finally meet face-to-face to talk through what you have seen – it is never easy.

When you start a conversation with a friend that you think is going to be very difficult – only to find out it is extremely difficult – it is never easy.

When both of us start out the conversation saying “I wanted to talk to you…” – it is never easy.

When you hear your friend say that he has filed for divorce – it is never easy.

When you hear about the problems that are actually not entirely my friend’s part, but my other friend’s issues (his wife) – it is never easy.

When you hear about life in his household for the past 1.5 years – it is never easy.

When you think about two young women (their daughters) and their tender and fragile hearts – it is never easy.

When our open conversation that afternoon leads to additional conversations between my two friends – conversations that are honest and raw – it is never easy.

Sorry about the lack of details, I know that these are just the highlights.  Sometimes I hate being in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time.  Sometimes I would prefer to ignore issues like this and back away rather than asking the difficult question, “Why?”

I sought out good great guidance that helped me through this conversation and the emails that followed.  I needed it – and God knew that.  He also knows what they need – and they need your prayers.

Please pray for my friends because this is not easy.

Is it or is it not cancer?

Day #1

Okay… so you get a call from your mother.  “Your dad has pain in his shoulder.  It is so bad he cannot sleep through the night.  We are going to the city to get an MRI done.  Michael, I am worried that the cancer has come back.”

BAM! Fear… doubt… it all comes flooding back.  This cannot be happening again.  Quick word of prayer – please God…

Day #2

email from mom, “The doctor called on the MRI and said it was a bone spur, they are going to do surgery on the 30th at Regional… “

BAM! Relief… joy… quick word of prayer – thanks God…

Walking from East to West

This is just another step along the way of understanding my wife’s culture, her understanding of my faith, and her understanding of her own faith.  This book has been recommended to me by a friend and I have started to read it.  Ravi Zacharias is originally from India and learned about Christianity through missionaries.  I have only just begun reading it, but I can already see some new points of understanding.

The background – as you know my wife did not grow up in India.  She was born in India and her parents moved here when she was 5.  But… that culture, that eastern way of life is/was her life even in the United States – home life was Indian life.  I can see how challenging it must have been to move back and forth between school life (American life and friends) and home life (Indian life).  I am sure that this is especially true as we grow older.  Parents and grandparents are growing older.  2nd generation children are starting to be more “American” than “Indian” (or at least 1/2 Indian).  All the while, she is feeling like our children do not understand the richness of life that Indian culture offers.  That she may have missed a piece of life along the way that will keep her close to her parents even after they are gone.

These are all my thoughts.  Not hers.  But as I read through this book, I can appreciate her struggle. 

Baby steps in this process.

Just another wake up moment in my walk…

Okay, so many of you know that my wife is not Christian.  She believes in God, but not Jesus.  You know that this has been a struggle for me over the past few years.  You also may know that I have been praying for strength and support.  Saying this, I came across this article that hit me between the eyes.  This is the second time recently that this topic has been put in front of me… so I guess this is one of those moments I need to pay attention.

The following paragraph is from an article written by Anna:

“A pastor once asked my grandmother how soon after the children get there does she try to convert them to Christianity.  She looked at him straight in the eye and said, “First, I give them a safe place to live with comforts most have never known, this includes three meals a day, clean clothes, and a warm bed.  Then, I hold their hands and hug them as often as possible.  I tell them that they are beautiful, wonderful, smart, valuable children and that they are precious in the eyes of God.  I let them know that the past is the past and they are new creatures, they have a future and will be educated.  I help them learn to forgive their families and actually pray for them.  Pastor, I don’t try to make them into Christians, I just show them the love of Christ.”

 

It all comes back to love.  Why am I so set on converting her?  Why am I struggling with this so much?  Love is the answer.  Love is what Jesus asked us to share.  He didn’t expect me to convert someone to a religion. 

 

Wow… just some things to think about.  This might be the beginning of some additional post… comment if you feel the impulse.

 

 

 

What a weekend…

I am just sitting here and thinking this was a pretty good weekend.  I finally got to the honey-do-list.  I finally got to my list.  I got to see my daughter play a fantastic soccer game.  I got to smoke some chicken in my smoker – first time – fun time – good taste.  I got to spend some down time with family and friends.  I got to stop for a minute and think.  What came of that… life is good.  It may never be perfect, but life is good.

I am waiting for the spring time to fully appear so that I can work more outdoors.  So I can ride my bike more.  So I can sit on the deck and read a book.  So I can play with my family outdoors.  I am ready for it.