This is a continuation post related to my Easter Sunday story about my wife feeling left out. Not feeling included if you will.
Each day since Easter, I have continued to think about this small series of events. My most recent thought is this was meant to happen for two reasons. 1) For her to see us (my daughters and me) moving along in our faith without her, and 2) to verify that I was willing to step out on that limb and show her my faith more visibly.
As a reminder, during Easter service, my daughter felt called to go up front following a very powerful service, but wanted me to join her. With that I told my wife that my daughter wanted me to join her so I was going to go up front to support her. As we went up front, my younger daughter joined us as well. This left my wife, who believes in God but doesn’t believe necessarily in Jesus, standing all alone.
My thought is that God wanted her to see this separation. He wanted her to understand that there is this separation in our life. This was just His way of giving her another gentle push. Just another loving hand showing her a path.
For me it reaffirmed the fact that I am suppose to be the spiritual leader for our family. That is especially true for my daughters. When my oldest daughter wanted/needed me to join her, I had to show her I was willing to join her up front, in front of everybody, no matter what. Even if that included my wife feeling left out. This is something I have struggled with lately. something I have struggled with for almost a year now. I don’t want my wife to feel left out. I don’t want her to misunderstand. I WANT her to feel included. But I know this is not on my timeline. This is not up to me. And humbly I will admit that this is a hard thing for me.
Now many of you might read more into this than I intend. You may read that this is okay in my eyes… that I don’t mind the fact my wife feels alone… that is furthest from the truth. This was a very hard thing for me to do. I felt the separation. I felt her anger, but I also felt her loneliness.
I know that God hates to see her sitting on the sideline. He loves her too much. Jesus died for my wife. He died for all of us.
So today, my heart aches for her. My heart longs for her to join us up front.
Again, this is a timeline that belongs to someone else. This is something I will continue to pray about. This is something I can only leave in one set of hands – God’s.
But…I will say this again… my heart aches.