Wow… I am starting to dive into this book and love/hate it! The great thing is I can celebrate pieces of my life where I lean on and turn to God on a regular basis. Those are the moments when I can honestly say I am not a fan – I am a true follower. Those are the vivid moments in my life when I have actually felt God working in my life and blessing me each and every one of those days.
Then there are those moments when I have stumbled. Those moments when I have tried to do this on my own. Those moments when I have valued earthly things over Godly things. (I am trying to be very transparent here.) God knows when I stumble – when I value something more than Him. He knows those moments in my life when I struggle and slip away for a minute in my own selfishness. But He is also working on my heart. He is placing strong people in my life for a reason. He is even placing people who are struggling themselves in my life… maybe so we can work through things together.
First and foremost know that I love my Lord with all my heart. My life has changed. I see that. He sees that. I also believe that all of us are a work in progress. For me, money and stubbornness are my battlefields. I grew up with very little. I grew up saying to myself that I wouldn’t end up this way. As I hit midlife, I am now saying I need this, or that. I need to protect for the future… for when something bad happens…for my family…for me. Don’t I deserve it. I have worked so hard. Those moments When I feel I can only give $1 instead of $2, or $100, or $1000 – those are the moments when I need to look inside myself. (and yes, I said once that I could only give $1 when I knew I could do so much more and I wouldn’t have felt it in the least.) Now some of these things aren’t wrong, but when they are placed ahead of God – well that is a different story. These are the moments when I need to turn to God and pray more vividly. I need to turn all of this over to Him. But I am stubborn. I am weak. I am a fan at times when it comes to this part of my life/walk.
I see that now. Actually I have seen it for a while now. I just need to place this in God’s hands. I need to pay attention to His gentle nudges. I need open up my heart to His loving grace. I need the comfort of Jesus carpenter arms around me. I need to tune into Him more closely.
God, please help me. That is a scary thing to pray. That is a scary thing to put out there. So, please help me, teach me, and finally use me for your glory.