Posted for a good friend of mine who is struggling. Please pray for him and his family. He asked that I share this with others, but he didn’t have a way to share it.
Dear teenage pregnant daughter,
This is the hardest letter I have ever written. Period. Bar none. Your mom and I are still in shock. We are still trying to process. We are still trying to determine the next steps. We have never dealt with anything like this before. Please bear with us. Know that we are going to stumble and fall. We are going to fail along the way. Know that we love you.
Your mom and I are both handling all of this so differently right now – yet a lot alike. The initial response/reaction for us has been a mixture of selfish thoughts and loving compassion. Just so you know the following emotions are raging through us right now. They are jumping from one emotion to another without notice. Please know that throughout all of this we love you, but we are reeling and uncertain – like nothing we have ever felt.
So, with that said, and so that you know, here is a quick list of where we are – just 2 days after being told.
Mom is angry. She is embarrassed. She is sad. She is in denial. She is afraid. She wants to call you all sorts of names. She wants to love you and hold you. She wants to turn back time. She wants to ask why. She wants to pull in side herself and cry – to not be around anyone right now. She wants you to have an abortion – even though that is against everything she stands for. She wants you to give the baby up for adoption- but is afraid of that choice. She feels like a monster for some of the feelings she is having right now. She feels like it is all your fault. She wants you to have the future we thought you would have – the one you deserve. She feels robbed right now – robbed that she cannot celebrate the birth of your first child. She doesn’t know who to blame – she desperately needs that. She feels like you didn’t care about her – that you don’t care about her. She is stressed. She is overwhelmed with love and grief. The list can go on and on.
As for me, I am in shock. I cry. I am sad. I want to hold you and just tell you it will be alright even though I know your life has been changed forever. I want you to have the baby and give it up for adoption – abortion is not an option to me. I want you to keep the baby – but I am afraid of that choice. I am afraid for you. I feel like I failed you. I feel like yelling. I feel caught in the middle. I feel like everything you have worked so hard to get has been all thrown away – that your future as been altered in an unbelievable way. I am worried about you. I am worried about your emotional state. I am worried about your future. I am worried about how you will handle the names and looks. I am worried that you will be labeled before someone knows you. I am yelling inside. I have put up a false façade on the outside – calm with very little emotion being displayed in public. I am supposed to be the rock – the one with all the answers – the one who can fix anything and everything – but I can’t – not this time. I am crushed. I am overwhelmed with love and grief. My list can go on and on as well.
With that said, know that we are coping. We are working through this. There will be times when we cannot filter these emotions. There will be times, in our eyes, when you will not be able to do anything right. There will be times, in your eyes, when we cannot do anything right. But understand that we also know that no matter what you do, whatever you decide, your life has been changed. The choice you make will ensure one thing – not everyone will be happy. Not everyone will be able to cope. Not everyone will understand why you choose to proceed the way you have. If you end up having an abortion – your life will change forever. If you give the child up for adoption – your life will change forever. If you keep the child – your life will change forever.
As we have discussed, you are being forced to make a choice no one your age should have to make. You are still a kid who made an adult size mistake.
So in conclusion, I didn’t write this letter to make you feel bad. It is not meant to knock you down further than you what you have already done yourself. (Yes I see the pain and heart ache on your face) It is meant to let you know we are hurting, to admit we aren’t perfect either, and to let you know that no matter what you decide to do we will be there. To let you know we love you. To let you know that you cannot do this alone – no matter what you choose to do. To let you know that you will have us by your side to help you, to hold you, to be an ear when needed. We will be there to cry with you. We will be there in silence, sitting beside you, when you need us there but just can’t talk. You are our daughter first and foremost. We love you unconditionally. We will make it through this.
Your mom and dad